I wrote this when I was applying to be a counselor for a Northwest Christian Youth Camp.
This is me. I have been a churchgoer for as long as I
can remember. I can recall standing on the "old pews"
and jumping up and down to the tune of the old-school
hymns, which I know by heart. This does not secure me
a spot in heaven, I know, because my sister went to
church all her young life in to late adolescence and
she turned away and has yet to come back.
All my young life I had two constants, Church and
school. The rest of my time was filled with unsure
feelings and thoughts. For as long as I can remember
my parents have fought, about everything, from my
weight, to deviled eggs, much to my chagrin. I have
always thought my mom to be the right one because she
took me to church and was my mother who I knew loved
me but happenings in my life have made me realize
that things are not always as they appear.
Let me start at the beginning, I first remember
asking Jesus into my heart a long time ago, when I did
not even know the pastors name. I was standing in the
great room and they asked if there was anyone who
wanted to ask for forgiveness and accept Christ into
their heart. I raised my hand. This time was the first
of many, many times that I would dedicate and
re-dedicate my life to the Lord.
Through the years the Lord has helped me through many
troubling times but the thing I believe was the most
impacting for me was when the Lord gradually helped me
know myself. I look back on my life and reflect often.
I don't lament about it with a need to change the
past, but with a regret that I did not do enough about
the past, while it was the present. Mostly I wish I
could go back and stand up for myself. I can recall
many times I was taunted and teased that simply would
not happen now. I can also remember times when my
parents were fighting that I would sit in the middle
and try and solve their petty disagreements. Just
recently I realized why my tireless efforts had no
effect, I was reading the bible in the book of
proverbs, I have no clue which Chapter or verse, but
it went something like love covers all but I'm not
sure of the exact words, still the meaning is true. If
my parents had just loved one another enough to get
though their problems, my family would not be in the
state it is today.
Though in my life, my situation and surroundings
haves stayed much the same, God taught me to change
the way I deal with it all, that, I believe is my true
testimony. In finding whom God wanted me to be (I'm
not all there yet) I lost that sad, annoying and
afraid little girl and became a strong, empowered and
bold woman. I have truly grown up in the Lords care.
God has been good to me and the saying that, God will
never give you more than you can take, has been tested
and found true many times. I recall a time when all I
can remember doing is going to sleep crying at night
because I believed I was worthless. God helped me to
know that was simply a lie. I also remember times when
I would sit in my bed crying because my father called
me fat or obese or a whale. (I preface this with the
fact that I am kinda fat and he has told me so since
childhood.) I can recall being the butt of every ones
jokes and feeling so alone and hopeless that I wished
I was dead but God was there, always, to help my pick
up the pieces of my heart and the shards of my pride.
Through many heart to heart chats with God I have
learned that it is not about my weight but about my
ability to forgive and to love without limits. I
cannot tell you how many times I have relied upon
the sureness of God and his grace, mercy and love in
my life to help make it through.
To truly tell you my testimony would take much longer
than a few pages, it would take a lifetime and forever
to tell you the feelings, the emotions, and the
reality of God in my life. Through my long experience
with him I have grown to need and depend on him to
lead me to a place of safety in stormy times. I have
learned to rejoice in the small victories and to thank
God for everything, good and bad.
I am not all that good a writing things down, I am
great at saying them though. I believe that I express
myself best with poetry and since I have met and
exceeded the one page requirement I shall now write a
poem for you so you can understand how I feel about
God,
can remember. I can recall standing on the "old pews"
and jumping up and down to the tune of the old-school
hymns, which I know by heart. This does not secure me
a spot in heaven, I know, because my sister went to
church all her young life in to late adolescence and
she turned away and has yet to come back.
All my young life I had two constants, Church and
school. The rest of my time was filled with unsure
feelings and thoughts. For as long as I can remember
my parents have fought, about everything, from my
weight, to deviled eggs, much to my chagrin. I have
always thought my mom to be the right one because she
took me to church and was my mother who I knew loved
me but happenings in my life have made me realize
that things are not always as they appear.
Let me start at the beginning, I first remember
asking Jesus into my heart a long time ago, when I did
not even know the pastors name. I was standing in the
great room and they asked if there was anyone who
wanted to ask for forgiveness and accept Christ into
their heart. I raised my hand. This time was the first
of many, many times that I would dedicate and
re-dedicate my life to the Lord.
Through the years the Lord has helped me through many
troubling times but the thing I believe was the most
impacting for me was when the Lord gradually helped me
know myself. I look back on my life and reflect often.
I don't lament about it with a need to change the
past, but with a regret that I did not do enough about
the past, while it was the present. Mostly I wish I
could go back and stand up for myself. I can recall
many times I was taunted and teased that simply would
not happen now. I can also remember times when my
parents were fighting that I would sit in the middle
and try and solve their petty disagreements. Just
recently I realized why my tireless efforts had no
effect, I was reading the bible in the book of
proverbs, I have no clue which Chapter or verse, but
it went something like love covers all but I'm not
sure of the exact words, still the meaning is true. If
my parents had just loved one another enough to get
though their problems, my family would not be in the
state it is today.
Though in my life, my situation and surroundings
haves stayed much the same, God taught me to change
the way I deal with it all, that, I believe is my true
testimony. In finding whom God wanted me to be (I'm
not all there yet) I lost that sad, annoying and
afraid little girl and became a strong, empowered and
bold woman. I have truly grown up in the Lords care.
God has been good to me and the saying that, God will
never give you more than you can take, has been tested
and found true many times. I recall a time when all I
can remember doing is going to sleep crying at night
because I believed I was worthless. God helped me to
know that was simply a lie. I also remember times when
I would sit in my bed crying because my father called
me fat or obese or a whale. (I preface this with the
fact that I am kinda fat and he has told me so since
childhood.) I can recall being the butt of every ones
jokes and feeling so alone and hopeless that I wished
I was dead but God was there, always, to help my pick
up the pieces of my heart and the shards of my pride.
Through many heart to heart chats with God I have
learned that it is not about my weight but about my
ability to forgive and to love without limits. I
cannot tell you how many times I have relied upon
the sureness of God and his grace, mercy and love in
my life to help make it through.
To truly tell you my testimony would take much longer
than a few pages, it would take a lifetime and forever
to tell you the feelings, the emotions, and the
reality of God in my life. Through my long experience
with him I have grown to need and depend on him to
lead me to a place of safety in stormy times. I have
learned to rejoice in the small victories and to thank
God for everything, good and bad.
I am not all that good a writing things down, I am
great at saying them though. I believe that I express
myself best with poetry and since I have met and
exceeded the one page requirement I shall now write a
poem for you so you can understand how I feel about
God,
Next to Me
Far away and close
You stand
I know the feeling of your forgiveness
I seek your face
You come up next to me
You give me strength
I rise up and cannot fail
You
watch out for me
You give me love
I feel you holding me
I know you are there
If I knock
you open the door to me
You don?t turn me away
You are far away
and right beside me
You are with me
Always
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